


Surfacing

by ByAStream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByAStream/pseuds/ByAStream
Summary: Grief was a process and your partners were determined to see you through it. You weren’t ready to lose your best friend.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Natasha Romanov/Reader
Kudos: 34





	Surfacing

**Author's Note:**

> Features grieving reader, death of OMC best friend, angst, some fluff, Soft!Bucky, Soft!Natasha

They worried about you. You knew they did. You hadn’t been yourself in months. When you’d become an Avenger, one of your first friends wasn’t a fellow Avenger, but an agent who was assigned to the compound. You had already known him, having grown up in the same town and gone to high school together. Avery was easy to like. He’d been like a brother to you since the two of you were kids. Avery Peterson was one of the best people you had ever met. But it wasn’t a mission gone wrong that took him from you. It was an accident when he was back home, visiting his family. Most days you felt like it would have been easier to accept if it had been a mission gone wrong. At least then it would make some kind of sense. 

You sat on the floor of your room, photos sitting in front of you. Some were in a scrapbook, others were loose, waiting to be hung on a wall or put somewhere safe. You weren’t sure you were ready to put them back up. Some of them were from when the two of you were in elementary school. In one of the photos, you were dressed as Captain America and Peggy Carter in the 4th of July pageant your hometown put on. You made sure to hide any copies of the video so the team would never see them. You kept the photo hidden, one of your favorite memories, no matter how silly you found it now. But you knew if the team ever saw it, you would never hear the end of it. 

Another photo saw the two of you, around age thirteen, fishing down the docks. You remembered the times you’d push each other in, more often than not the one being pushed pulling the one doing the pushing in with them. It was after one of those moments that his sister had snapped the photo. You hadn’t gone fishing in ages. Though it wasn’t your favorite thing in the world, there was something calming about sitting out on the water. You made a mental note to find time to go. Maybe you’d even bring Bucky and Natasha. The image of the two fishing made you laugh softly to yourself. 

You found yourself lost in the memories as you looked through the photos. You had been avoiding it since the day you tore them off the wall and shoved them in a box with the scrapbooks. A broken picture frame sat among them, a photo from his wedding, just six months before he died. You still checked in on his husband weekly. It was that photo that had set you off that day.

_ You’d felt numb. The funeral had been that morning and you still were in disbelief that it had happened at all. You had stayed at the reception after for some time, sitting with Tyler for as long as he needed. Through it all, you had been trying to stay strong, for Tyler, for the Peterson family as a whole. The only time you had allowed yourself to cry all week was in the privacy of your room, with no one else around. You knew Bucky and Natasha knew. You hated that you were pushing them away, but you didn’t want them to see you like that, lost in your pain and your grief.  _

_ When you walked into your room, you headed to shower. It was when you got out that you saw the picture from the wedding. Avery and Tyler had looked so happy, so in love. There had been jokes about you, Bucky, and Nat being next, even if it wouldn’t be legally binding. You let out a sob as you picked it up. You weren’t sure what had come over you, but the next thing you knew, you had flung it across your room, glass shattering, and you had torn photos off your wall. Someone had pulled you to their chest, whispering in a language you didn’t know. Slowly, it registered that it was Natasha. Bucky was cleaning up the glass. You sobbed harder at the realization. _

_ “Shh, shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Nat whispered as she held you close.  _

You were pulled out of the memory when someone spoke, startling you. You turned to see who it was, seeing Bucky and Natasha. 

“Want some company?” Bucky asked again. You thought for a moment. It had been a while since you really spent time with them. They were patient with you. There were nights you didn’t spend with them, still too lost in your grief to want the contact that came with spending the night with the two. Then there were the nights you clung to them as if they were going to disappear if you let go. Avery had been your best friend. He’d been your family. You looked up at your partners, taking in the looks of concern, before finally answering.

“Sure,” you said. The pair sandwiched you between them. You picked up one of the loose photos. It had been taken around the second grade, field day. You and Avery had your arms around each other as you ran back to your team, a ball sandwiched between your sides in some kind of relay game. 

“I don’t remember much about elementary school, but...Avery and I always had the same teacher. We always made sure we were partners on field day. People always thought we were cheating, especially the year we did a water balloon toss and we won every round,” you said. You sat with them for what felt like hours, talking about the memories behind the pictures and going through the scrapbooks. 

By the end of the afternoon, the two had helped you put the pictures back up on the wall. You felt more settled than you had since you got the news about Avery. For the first time in a while, it didn’t hurt as bad. 

“Captain Rogers asked me to inform you that dinner is ready,” FRIDAY said, interrupting the comfortable silence that had fallen upon the room. 

“Are you going to join us tonight?” Natasha asked. It had been a while since you joined the team for dinners. If you weren’t training or on a mission, you kept to yourself or your partners. You usually ate after everyone else in an attempt to avoid more interaction than necessary. It was something you had been working through. 

In the aftermath of losing Avery, Sam had gently recommended you talk to someone, that you go to therapy. You had been hesitant at first, but after a particularly rough mission that had seen you take unnecessary risks, you had agreed. It had been a process to get to where you were, but that was what grief was, a process. 

“Yeah, yeah I will,” you said. You didn’t miss the look shared between Bucky and Nat, one of happiness. 

If the team was surprised to see you, they didn’t show it. You sat down across from Wanda, with Bucky and Nat on either side of you. It was a full house for once. For the first time since losing your best friend, you felt some level of happiness. 

After dinner, you helped clean up, which was an accomplishment in and of itself in the time that had passed. It was a movie night and you found yourself up to joining the team. Once more, you were sat between your partners, your head resting on Bucky’s shoulder. You ended up falling asleep halfway through, only to be woken up by someone picking you up. You dozed back off, waking again when you were set down on a bed. You knew it was your bed. 

“Stay,” you mumbled. 

“Wouldn’t dream of leaving, doll. We’re just going to get ready for bed. Think you’re awake enough to change into your pajamas?” Bucky asked softly. His answer was a light snore from you. He chuckled to himself. Once you were asleep, even if you woke up briefly, you’d be back out in seconds. By the time he was back in your room, Natasha had gotten you into your pajama pants and a tank top. She settled in on the right, putting you in the middle, and leaving the left side for Bucky. 

“It’s progress,” Natasha said quietly. 

“I wish there was more we could do for her,” Bucky said as he slid under the covers. You shifted in your sleep, seeking out the warmth Bucky brought. Soon enough, Bucky and Natasha were drifting off to sleep too. 

You woke up before Bucky and Nat, or so you had thought. Escaping from the middle was never an easy task, but it was one you had down to an art. Natasha had wrapped her arms around you during the night and you had your head on Bucky’s chest. When you tried to extricate yourself, Natasha’s grip tightened. 

“Stay,” she said. You looked at her and then at Bucky, realizing the two had been awake for a while. A lazy day was rare. 

“What time is it?” you asked.

“Just past 8:30. It’s a day off. We’re being lazy,” Bucky said, his voice still raspy from sleep. 

When the three of you finally emerged an hour later, you had a genuine smile on your face, something that had become a rarity. The three of you were just going for a walk. You hadn’t taken a day just to relax in a while. 

A fresh blanket of snow covered the compound grounds. You and Natasha had walked ahead when you suddenly felt something very cold and very wet collide with the back of your neck. You turned to see Bucky smiling, another snowball in hand. 

“Do you really want to start this, Barnes?” you question. Without saying a word, the snowball in his hand hit Natasha square in the chest. With that, the three of you began throwing snowballs at one another, taking cover behind trees. 

By the time the three of you had grown cold and a little tired, the sun was starting to sink below the horizon. You laid back on the ground, hands under your head staring up at the sky as flakes started to fall again. You couldn’t remember the last time you just had fun without letting your thoughts dwell on your best friend. Natasha laid down next to you, mimicking your body language. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked quietly. You turned your head to look at her.

“Happy,” you said with a smile. Bucky had made his way over to where you and Natasha laid. You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen the two of them so relaxed and carefree.

“I don’t know about you ladies, but hot chocolate sounds good right about now,” he said, helping the two of you up off the ground.

“Your famous hot chocolate? With extra whipped cream? And marshmallows? The big ones, not the tiny ones that melt before you can even take a sip?” you asked. Bucky laughed as he wrapped an arm around you.

“The fact that you think I would make it any other way makes me question how well you know me, doll,” he teased. You stuck your tongue out at him. 

When the three of you got back inside, you changed into your pajamas. You sat on the couch with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you and Nat searched for something to watch. 

Bucky entered the room, balancing three mugs of hot chocolate on a tray with a plate of cookies. 

“Cookies?” you asked.

“What? You thought there wouldn’t be snacks?” Bucky asked before sitting down beside you. The three of you fell into a comfortable silence. Your legs were thrown across Bucky’s lap and your head rested on Natasha’s shoulder. You felt peace from the thoughts that had been tormenting you, relief from the avalanche of grief you had been buried under. 

“Love you Tasha, love you James,” you mumbled sleepily. 

“Love you too,” they both said softly. Natasha placed a gentle kiss on your forehead as you drifted off. 

You felt like you were finally surfacing. 


End file.
